I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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