I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
