I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
