Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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