fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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