cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize