I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
