I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
