I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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