To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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