Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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