The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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