Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
