I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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