i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
