This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
