you mean i was at the winter classic?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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