My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
