I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
