Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
