is your mom at the bar?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
