Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
