So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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