Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize