just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
