My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
