I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
What a fucking waste of an outfit
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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