dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
