i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
