so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
