dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize