At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
