morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
