maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
