life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
