i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
