Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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