Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
