I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
