She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
