yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize