Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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