I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
