please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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