Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize