you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
