More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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