I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
