did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
