Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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