It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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