the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
