Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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