i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
