i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
