HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
