Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
