I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
