Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
