I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
