I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
