So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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