oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
