i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
