he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
