i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
