...so i touched it.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
