is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
