I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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