I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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