How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
