She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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