He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he thought i was a dude.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
