Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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