just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
