Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
and you fell through a lawn chair
try to milk me bitch
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
