I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize