R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
