I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
