I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
