What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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