Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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