Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
