Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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