i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I touched a dick in church today
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
