i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
