y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
