just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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