I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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