goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
