I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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