I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
