There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
