Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
