I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
