I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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