they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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