No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
