I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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