I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
