i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
