hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
