it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
