it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
