Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
