dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
