i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize