My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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