so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
